- on death and dying -
i have always been afraid of death ... i remember when i was a little girl (said in a very story-telling manner : ) ) .. i used to dream about my parents dying ... thrice for each parent ... i guess it just goes to show how frightened i was about the idea ... i somehow got over it ... or so i thought ...
when i was still living alone - started may last year, i realized that my fear came back ... but this time, it's more for myself ... i even commented to somebody that being alone makes you more aware of your mortality ... sabi nga ni chireh, kada hinga mo kasi e aware ka ... napapansin mo ... what actually scares me is not the idea of dying per se ... what scares me more is the idea of leaving my life when there are still a gazillion things that i want to do and i wish to accomplish ... i want to work with kids - magturo sana ... i want to have at least one kid of my own ... marami na akong naiisip na pangalan e - agatha ... rylan ... kahit bathala (di ba no, jen? :P) ... i want have a wedding wearing a flowing white (pede ding sheer ; ) ) dress ... tas may head dress na bulaklak ... tas yung partner ko e naka-parang pantulog - cool long sleeves-shirt tas cool slacks ... i want to dance - kahit nde professionally ... kahit semi-professionally ... and the list goes on and on and on ...
it is a blessing that this topic was brought up kaninang lunch ... farfetch said, that if we are living our lives to the fullest - what can be so scary about death? ... it is true that certain circumstances limit that "living to the fullest" idea pero he was right in saying na you can start just by having "the idea" ... knowing that, maybe you can do sumtin about it - kahit pakonti-konti ...
na-realize ko nga e ... kahit naman papa'no, i get to live my life to fullest ... a little each day ... just being able to laugh out loud ... really, really loud ... na sumasakit na ang panga ko at tiyan ko - at least isang beses isang araw ... it is a step to living my life to the fullest ... at yan ang isa sa mga binibigay sa akin ni chireh at farfetch ... aside from the unique friendship - yung tawang walang halong kahungkagan ...
at kahit papa'no e in touch pa din ako sa mga tao who really matters to me - my family, my friends, my partner in life ...
hmmm, i think i should do this more often ... talking about my fear(s) really help - quite a good therapy ; )
i have always been afraid of death ... i remember when i was a little girl (said in a very story-telling manner : ) ) .. i used to dream about my parents dying ... thrice for each parent ... i guess it just goes to show how frightened i was about the idea ... i somehow got over it ... or so i thought ...
when i was still living alone - started may last year, i realized that my fear came back ... but this time, it's more for myself ... i even commented to somebody that being alone makes you more aware of your mortality ... sabi nga ni chireh, kada hinga mo kasi e aware ka ... napapansin mo ... what actually scares me is not the idea of dying per se ... what scares me more is the idea of leaving my life when there are still a gazillion things that i want to do and i wish to accomplish ... i want to work with kids - magturo sana ... i want to have at least one kid of my own ... marami na akong naiisip na pangalan e - agatha ... rylan ... kahit bathala (di ba no, jen? :P) ... i want have a wedding wearing a flowing white (pede ding sheer ; ) ) dress ... tas may head dress na bulaklak ... tas yung partner ko e naka-parang pantulog - cool long sleeves-shirt tas cool slacks ... i want to dance - kahit nde professionally ... kahit semi-professionally ... and the list goes on and on and on ...
it is a blessing that this topic was brought up kaninang lunch ... farfetch said, that if we are living our lives to the fullest - what can be so scary about death? ... it is true that certain circumstances limit that "living to the fullest" idea pero he was right in saying na you can start just by having "the idea" ... knowing that, maybe you can do sumtin about it - kahit pakonti-konti ...
na-realize ko nga e ... kahit naman papa'no, i get to live my life to fullest ... a little each day ... just being able to laugh out loud ... really, really loud ... na sumasakit na ang panga ko at tiyan ko - at least isang beses isang araw ... it is a step to living my life to the fullest ... at yan ang isa sa mga binibigay sa akin ni chireh at farfetch ... aside from the unique friendship - yung tawang walang halong kahungkagan ...
at kahit papa'no e in touch pa din ako sa mga tao who really matters to me - my family, my friends, my partner in life ...
hmmm, i think i should do this more often ... talking about my fear(s) really help - quite a good therapy ; )
posted by darkangelgel at 9:42:00 PM
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